sixteen.

Disassemble.
Reassemble.
Repeat.

Now, repeat that process multiple times. Does the current product look much like the original?

No?

Join the club.

fifteen.

"...And now that you found it, it's gone. Now that you feel it, you don't. It's gone forever."

The moment you realize something, you realize that oftentimes, the opportunity for action departed long ago. How many times have you felt exactly the same as a previous time? Exactly: in an exact manner; without approximation; precisely. Once you feel it, it's gone. The sun may rise and fall at the exact time as the day before, but does it rise or fall in the exact manner as it did before?

The one thing consistent about life is its inconsistency. The rhythmic instability of breathing. The constant change of a heartbeat throughout the duration of a day. How many times did you blink in the last five minutes? How about the five minutes before that? Life must have the undefinable, intangible aspects we can't control or it becomes stagnant. It loses the appeal it once had before. Imagine a filmmaker told the ending of a movie during the preview. Imagine an author revealed the end of the book on the back cover. Imagine you woke up this morning with a voicemail describing everything that would transpire during the day.

How does that sound to you?

fourteen.

Heaven is here...and tonight, we are the only ones who feel it.

"...failure to comprehend is in part due to the fact that the human mind is loath to search deeply into anything it desires not to believe."

Incomprehension of many things is, in fact, due to that very fact: that the human mind itself is unwilling to submerse itself into something (anything) it doesn't want to find the answer to. The subconscious, though we may not recognize it as such, is just as much a living, breathing part of our brain as the conscious. It is not simply a place where "forgotten" memories go to be stored, but it is, in actuality, a part of our everyday thought process.

Now pose the question: is it easier to forgive or forget?

Though forgiveness requires a conscious effort of conscience and will, truly forgetting something is nearly impossible to achieve. Remember that night where you laid in your bed, wondering what your purpose here was? Try harder. Maybe there was a song playing...how about now? Still no? It was the one night where you weren't sure which way was up. The one time where you felt absolutely hopeless. The one time where you wished, more than anything, that clarity would present itself with a flashing neon sign, pointing the way to understanding.

I knew you'd remember.

thirteen.

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you just said something (anything, everything) to someone?

I have.

What impact would it make on the friendship? What effects, positive or negative, would saying those words have on your future? Would they even matter? I sit here posing all these questions, but all for what? For another chance to further delve into the realm of "what if" and discover a world of missed opportunities? There comes a point when the human mind has done just enough thinking to push it over the edge and into a state of exhaustion. A point where you've exhausted all your options, yet you still retrace your steps, hoping you missed something. Yet, at that point, you realize something. You realize that with every ounce of energy spent, every last minute of time used up, you learned more about yourself. It may not be easy. It may not be the definition of a good time. It may not be what you wanted...but let's face it, when has it ever worked that way?

(Control + A, Delete)

It always ends the same.

twelve.

Oh, nostalgia...what a marvel you are.

Have you ever felt nostalgic for experiences that you never thought you'd look back on with the slightest bit of longing? It's funny how time can bring out the best in things, while you slowly forget the bad. Remember the people, places, sights and sounds that make up every moment. It's the sight of the sun setting against snow capped mountains. The streetlights seeming more like golden suns setting against the darkening sky. The people that, for even a small moment, allowed you to forget about anything that made you hurt. These are the moments we will remember.

These are the moments I will remember.

eleven.

What would happen if all the city lights went dark, if only for one minute? How brilliantly would the stars shine without the yellow haze to compete with? Would I be awake for such a time?

I don't know.
I don't know.
I hope so.

ten.

Oh, this mangled mess we call life. I feel sad, but I’m not upset. I feel stressed, but no amount of work accomplished will levy the feeling. I feel tired, but I’m too awake to actually fall sleep. I’m bored, but I don’t want to just sit idly because I have nothing better to do. Predictions? Contradictions. In a sense, I just want it all to blow over, but this is what I thrive off of. I feel like something’s missing when there’s not something to try and fix. I’m overly self-critical, but I’m confident in what I can accomplish. I wonder about the past. I’m inconsistent, but somehow completely predictable. Irregularly regular. Completely incomplete, yet oddly content. Oh, this tangled mess we call life.